Sunday, March 7, 2010

surprises in marriage

I was asked....  What's been the biggest surprise in being married as far as what is a big deal (or a big source of conflict, joy, whatever) between the 2 of you, and what was something that you thought was going to be a big deal/challenge before you got married that hasn't turned out to even matter?

It's funny how Adam guided our relationship in the dating phase in regards to our physicality with each other.  Being that physical touch is my love language, it was a huge source of tension in our conversations because I was feeling unloved when he was trying to honor me.  So I thought it might be a big deal in our marriage because we were so used to having boundaries that it'd be hard to get over that.  Let's just say it's huge source of joy...  because that definitely has not carried over in our marriage :)

I guess I knew finances would always be a point of tension in marriage, but I didn't think I would miss money as much as I do.  Ha...  I sound extremely selfish.  I wasn't on a budget before, but I didn't spend frivolously either.  But I admit that I miss being able to go to Old Navy and buy a new pair of jeans or go out with the ladies and not worry if I'm spending a majority of my budgeted money.  Now that I'm married I have an allowance of sorts, or my "lunch money" account that I can choose to spend however I want.  

However....  finances hasn't been as nearly hard as I thought it would be either.  But I suppose that's because we don't have a lot of money in the first place, we have an awesome budget program (, and we both have a lot of the same priorities in how we choose to spend our money.

I think something that has been a shock to me since getting married is how it's affected my work environment.  Being that I work in an office with two other guys, I wasn't prepared for never having a break from boys.  I go to work with them, and then I come home to one.  I crave girlie: pink, giggles, conversations (not about video games), etc.  I never thought I'd say that!

I wasn't prepared for how hard it would be to get up and go to the gym when you have a warm body next to you in bed.  :)  Newlywed pounds...

Something that I learned early on in our relationship that still holds true, if not even more true as a married couple:
1.  I can't expect Adam to be my girlfriend.
2.  I can't expect Adam to fix me.
3.  I can't expect Adam to carry my faith or to piggyback on his.

I have loved every minute of being married, even in the most ridiculous of fights (like cleaning the house).  Both Adam and I committed to being learners of each other, and I feel like at times it's hard for us to see the lessons in the midst of the emotions that are flying around.  I don't ever want to feel like I've figured Adam out, because then I feel like I've pigeon-holed him.

So here's to more lessons to learn and surprises along the way...  Cheers! :)

1 comment:

  1. Oh man, marriage is a funny thing. PS I can totally relate to the newlywed pounds. I have gained more than 10 since our wedding in July. Isn't it crazy how boys can eat whatever they want!? So not fair. And if you ever want some more girlie can always give me a call. I sure won't be wearing pink, but I think we have a lot in common right now.